


Change of Address

by Trilled



Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [11]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Pregnancy, Religious Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28315131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trilled/pseuds/Trilled
Summary: With Kira unexpectedly thrust into being a surrogate for the O'Brien baby, Bashir need more of Kira's medical history from her painful past, and calls on Dax to help.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys
Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790863
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	Change of Address

**Author's Note:**

> What happened between scenes during the episode Body Parts.

Kira lay quietly on the biobed in the Infirmary, eyes closed and breathing slowly and deeply, trying to take in everything that had happened over the last thirteen hours.

A routine mission escorting Professor Keiko O'Brien to Torad V in the Gamma quadrant had taken a severe turn for the worst with Keiko still in surgery after they had arrived back at the station. Kira had just had to break the news to Chief O'Brien that while his son was fine, that he'd had a slight change of address. Nurses were now talking with O'Brien to explain what had happened, and she was left alone again in the private room with her own thoughts.

The bulge under the Infirmary gown scared her, even touching it didn’t feel quite real. But it did drag up dark memories from the Occupation that she had tried to ignore for too long.

She threw her hands to the side of the bed, gripping the firm mat until her knuckles went white. Light-headedness made her realise that she’d been holding her breath to try and suppress the emotions building in her chest, and she gasped, a sob escaping, leading to more. Tears ran unchecked down her face as she tried to fight the feelings and controlling her breath. She attempted to imagine the flickering flame of the temple fire, but sharp cramps in her stomach kept dragging her back to reality. 

Bashir had reassured her it was normal, that her body was struggling to catch up with the stress suddenly put on it, and fighting her all the way. Muscle relaxants had helped somewhat, but the cramps still came.

“I know this can’t be easy on you Nerys.” Bashir was suddenly standing beside her, still wearing his surgery gown, although with the cap under his arm, and holding out a box of tissues to her. She took them from him, furiously wiping her eyes dry. “For one, your hormones are going to be going crazy right now trying to work out what they’re doing. It’s bound to lead to some uncontrollable emotional moments.” He tapped on the medical display beside her bed, checking to see how things had changed since he had last seen her.

“Keiko? How is she?” she asked, more concerned for the woman who was worse off than her.

“Fine now. She’s in recovery and healing nicely thanks to you.” He tapped on the bed controls, slowly raising the bed from a flat position to one where Kira could sit up.

“You were the one who did all the work.”

“Without you offering to be surrogate, there would have been nothing I could have done for both Keiko and the baby. It would have been futile trying to save them both. No doctor ever likes having to choose between which patient to save.”

“This is a permanent thing now, isn’t it Doctor?”

“Regrettably yes. Too much time has passed since the transfer, the foetus is now entirely dependent on you. And Keiko still isn’t strong enough to take the baby back, even if I could perform a second transfer.”

Kira sighed, his news confirming what she had been dreading. “I guess it’s the will of the prophets.” She tried to put on a brave face for him, but her emotions threatened to spill over.

“You look like you could do with a hug. I’m happy to oblige.” 

She shook her head with certainty. “No, I just want to return to my quarters. I feel exhausted.”

“Oh, I imagine you do feel exhausted. It’s a lot to go through. But you are in no state to move. You're still on a fairly high dose of muscle relaxants to help your body accommodate this baby, and your hormones levels haven’t stabilised yet.” He pulled up a stool to sit down beside her. “Also, we need to have a talk about your medical history. I know there are things in your past that you don’t want to talk about, and I’ve respected that, but it’s now become necessary.”

“I guess you’re right.” She eventually conceded.

“First I think we should call Commander Dax down here though. You’ve admitted that you’ve confided in her a lot about your past, which we need to discuss now. And I think you need your lover here for support.”

“Doctor, I can’t go bothering the First Minister every time there’s a little hiccup in my life. He’s a busy man.”

He looked at her closely for her reaction. “I never said anything about Shakaar coming here too. I meant Jadzia.”

She said nothing for a while, unsure if she should continue to keep her secret. 

“Kira?”

“How did you know?” She whispered quietly.

“Well you can’t put fresh love bites on the inside of your thigh by yourself.” He said smugly, keying in information to the console. “I noticed them when I was performing the transfer. I’m well aware of the ramifications your relationship could have for you, which is why I’ve never said anything before.”

Kira went red with embarrassment, remembering the intense feeling when Dax had sucked on her skin, teasing her mercilessly. “You know about the moral laws?”

“Do you remember Lieutenant Mako Enaco?” Kira nodded. “This may come as a surprise to you, but we dated for a few months. Wonderful man, but a little paranoid.”

Kira looked at him in disbelief. “You like men?”

“I like women too. Each sex has their merits, as I’m sure you know.”

“Actually, I don’t. It took being with Jadzia to make me realise that I have never been attracted to men, I just use them. I never knew you were gay though.”

“Not gay. If you want to put a label on me, I’d probably say bisexual, maybe even pansexual. I’ve never really looked at boundaries. I was genuinely interested in Jadzia for a while, but once I realised she was taken then I left it to friendly jibbing.”

“What? You’ve known about us for quite a while? How many people know?”

“No one else as far as I know. I think I started getting suspicious when Dax dragged you in here for that medical check-up. She knew more about your past than you wanted to admit. But you were seeing Vedek Bareil at the time, so I dismissed that thought as just Dax being Dax. Then I went out with Enaco and I realised that you would be doing anything to disguise your relationship. If I look at you two from the point of view of a taboo relationship, then a lot of your actions make sense. From what I can tell, you’ve been together for quite a while."

Kira shyly smiled, realising she was safe talking to Bashir. “Jadzia made her move on me about two months after the Federation arrived. She means the world to me, she’ll even lie for me so I can be protected.”

“Ahh, now that’s one thing I was never able to do and it’s why Enaco and I broke up. Is it really as bad as he said it was?”

“What, being arrested for being a rakja or the re-education training? I don’t know exactly how they do it, but all I know is you come out brainwashed into thinking your something you’re not.”

“Does the Federation know about this? What you’re talking about goes against all Federation conventions and basic rights. Conversion therapy was outlawed on Earth centuries ago, despite those with strong religious convictions opposing it.”

“I know what Bajor is doing isn’t good for my people. Captain Sisko knows these moral laws exist and knows that I ignore enforcing them on the station. He’s been trying to get them changed because not only for me, but because it could cause problems for Bajor joining the Federation, but there are many ministers who don’t see these laws as a priority. It’s not just the laws that are the problem, they’re backed up by Prophetic interpretations. You can change the laws, but it going to take a lot to change people’s attitudes.”

“So Sisko knows about you?” Kira nodded. “Sounds like all this is something you’ve thought a lot about.”

“Every day I wonder if this is the day I get found out, that it all falls apart.”

“Major, I wouldn’t let them take you. Most conversion therapies are at best an untested pseudo-science, but mostly dangerous to the mental health of the person it’s performed on."

“I don’t plan on finding out, so I trust you to keep this quiet.”

“You have my word.” Bashir smiled at her, tapping his commbadge. “Bashir to Dax. Commander, can I see you in the Infirmary? I need your help... um... retrieving some patient records for me.”

“Sure doctor. Although it would probably be easier for me to use the main computer in Ops.” Dax’s voice came over the comm system.

“It will be best if you come to the Infirmary. The records I need are stored here.” Bashir winked at Kira knowingly.

“Very well. I’ll see you soon.” She closed the channel and was gone.

“Retrieving patient records?” Kira smiled through the discomfort, unsuccessfully trying to get comfortable in the bed.

“Not completely wrong. Are you in pain?” He checked the biobed readout. 

“Nothing I can’t bear. You said cramping is to be expected while my body gets use to this.” She rubbed along her side, feeling tense.

Bashir handed her the biobed controls. “Why don’t you get yourself comfortable? Raise or lower the back. It might help.”

“Julian, where are these records?” Dax called out for him as she entered the Infirmary. 

Bashir opened the door into the private treatment room, calling her in.

“What was so important I had to come down...” she paused when she saw Kira on the biobed wearing an infirmary gown. “N... Major? What happened? Were you injured too?”

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Bashir stood up to leave. “Notify me once Dax is all caught up.” He told Kira.

“What’s happened?” Dax looked to him concerned, then to Kira. As the door closed Kira held her hand out for Dax, who came immediately to her side. “Nerys?” Dax looked worried.

Slowly Kira pulled down the blanket that had been over her, the bump saying everything that needed to be said. “Keiko was badly injured. It was the safest place to keep him.”

“Oh wow.” Was all Dax could manage, sitting down on the side of the bed. “How are you? And Keiko? Is she okay? How long do you have to carry him for?”

Kira pulled Dax close, holding her tight. “Keiko is fine now. Dr Bashir had her in surgery for a while but she’s going to be fine.”

“And you?”

“I’m... I’m an emotional mess right now.” She admitted.

Dax chuckled, stroking her back tenderly. “I bet you are. I remember being pregnant. When Audrid had children, I was such a mess and those pregnancies were something I had planned. You’ve got so much more baggage to deal with than I ever did.”

“I think that’s what Julian wants to talk to me about, and why he asked you to come down here. But first I just need to be held for a bit. It’s been an emotional afternoon.” Kira rested her head on Dax’s shoulder, drawing strength from the embrace.

Dax looked around the room, making sure they were in private. “Are you sure it’s okay that I do?”

Kira nodded against her chest.

“So there are no patient records to recover?”

“No, just ones from me.” She placed her hand on Dax’s chest, slowly fingering the collar of her uniform. “When do you think Julian seriously stopped chasing after you?”

“Probably about a year ago. I think he finally grew up and realised it was never going to happen.”

Slowly Kira sat back against the biobed, holding Dax’s hands in hers. “Actually I’d say it was that sometime two years ago, because that’s when Julian went out with Lieutenant Mako. Lieutenant Mako Enaco!” Dax looked at Kira, unaware if the significance of the name and why it seemed an important part of the story. “Enaco is a man’s name!” she finally explained.

“Oh. I didn’t realise Julian knew the pleasures of male on male sex.”

“Jadzia!” Kira blushed, embarrassed by the talk of anyone else’s sex life, and then realised exactly what she said. “Pleasures? Which host?”

“Curzon tried a few times, as did Tobin. It’s quite pleasurable as a man.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Kira muttered, too embarrassed to look Dax in the eyes.

Dax laughed. “I don’t know why you get so embarrassed, sex is a natural part if life.”

“Well we Bajorans are a sexually repressed people who don’t like to discuss these intimate things, especially when it involves our friends or colleagues.”

Dax lent back a bit, carefully putting her hand on Kira’s belly. “Well this bump is proof that Chief O’Brien also has a sex life.”

“Jadzia!” Kira shrieked at her.

“Well that did sound a little more suggestive that I thought it would. You're going to have fun explaining this to people. It will stop people from finding out about us at least.”

“I was actually thinking maybe we can relax it a bit. At least around senior staff, given that Dr Bashir knows, and Sisko does too.”

“Oh, that little story was because Julian knows about us?”

Kira nodded. “Why else do you think he called you here? He said I should have my lover down here, and he didn’t mean Shakaar. But he wants to find out about my pregnancy with Myra.” Kira slowly put her hand down with Dax’s on her belly. “I still have to get use to this, and I know I never spoke about it with that counsellor you had me see." 

“You never know, you might enjoy pregnancy this time around.” Dax slowly rubbed her hand over her belly, then paused. “Is that some kicking I feel?”

Kira concentrated in the feeling by Dax’s hand, enjoying the fluttering movement. She had never liked the feeling when she had been pregnant the first time, and suddenly she felt guilty for how she felt more love for a child that wasn’t even hers. She took Dax’s hand off her stomach. “Let’s just go easy on how much you get to rub that.”

The door chime sounded, Bashir on the other side called through “Are you ready for me to come back in?”

“Enter.” Kira called out, out of habit dropping Dax’s hands, but remembering that Bashir was a safe person and put her hand back in Dax’s.

Bashir, now changed out of his surgery gown, immediately looked to their hands and he smiled. “Has Nerys caught you up with everything that happened?” he asked Dax.

“Well I see you got her pregnant.” Dax said with a cheeky grin. “And that we have something in common in the bedroom.”

“Ahh, she told you about Lieutenant Mako?”

“Well now when I try and set you up with someone, I know I have a bit more scope to work with.” 

“Thank you for the thought, but Leeta and I are quite happy without adding in a third person." Bashir got out a hypospray. “Nerys, I’ve got another shot of progesterone for you. I’m hoping this will kick your body into producing its own hormones to support this pregnancy, but so far the other shots haven’t done enough.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “what’s one more.” Kira held out her arm to Bashir, letting him give her another shot. 

“Now I know these shots are going to make you feel quite emotional right now, but it is necessary for you to fill in the gaps in your medical file, specifically about the previous pregnancy you mentioned.”

Dax ran a soothing hand down Kira’s arm. “I’m here for you Nerys.”

“I know.”

Bashir picked up the dataPADD and sat down with them. “All you’ve told me is that this pregnancy was a result of when you were raped by that Cardassian Gul during an interrogation so I’m assuming that the baby was half Bajoran and half Cardassian.”

“Five nose ridges, just like her mama. Nerys showed me photos." Dax explained when Bashir looked at her questioningly.

“So a girl?” Kira nodded. “You carried the baby to term, and she was born alive?”

“Yes.”

Bashir paused, unsure if he wanted the answer to what he has wanted to know ever since finding out three years earlier.

“She’s still alive and living on Cardassia with him. When he found out, he took her from me. That’s what you were afraid to ask, wasn’t it?”

“Ahh. I have been wanting to know what happened, especially given how insistent you were for Dukat not to kill Ziyal. I was hoping it wasn’t in some hope to amend for similar actions you may have taken yourself.”

Kira stared at the ceiling. “It wasn’t from lack of trying.” Bashir looked at her sharply. “As you can imagine I was not in the best headspace. The trauma of the attack and this thing growing in me, I just wanted to forget it all, get back to fighting for Bajor.”

“You tried to take your own life?”

“No! Never. I wanted to live, I just couldn’t face dealing with a child... a phar'ya. I tried to end the pregnancy several times when I realised what had happened to me.”

“Abortion isn’t safe for Bajoran woman past a certain point, unless under very careful medical care.” Bashir reminded her.

“I know. I asked at a Bajoran run medical centre but they didn’t have the resources or equipment, I tried a herbal healer, I tried alcohol poisoning, even picked a fight with a Cardassian in the hopes that a beating would end things, I never had the courage to purposely injure myself though.”

“Nerys, remember I saw the scars on your belly. Finger scratch marks.” Dax reminded her.

Kira shook her head. “They were no worse than the marks up my arm.”

Bashir looked at Dax questioningly.

“Nerys use to run her nails up her arms until the skin broke.” Dax explained, holding Kira’s hands and gentle massaging them with her own.

“Sometimes bleeding felt good, made you feel like you were still alive, focused the pain of memories into the physical. Jadzia removed all the scars I made that day you lent her the dermal regenerator. I don’t do that anymore.”

“So you don’t think you’d feel compelled to do that now with this pregnancy?”

“Your Starfleet counsellor helped with that. I don’t self-harm anymore.” She pulled up her sleeves, showing the smooth skin. 

“That’s good to know.” He wrote a few notes on the dataPADD. “So any complications during the pregnancy?”

“Not that I’m aware of, but I also didn’t have much medical care. A friend from the Resistance, she...” Kira paused as memories of a friend she hasn’t heard from in four years came rushing back. “she kept me safe. Took me to a monastery.” Kira scrubbed at her eyes. “Damned these hormones.” She swore, trying to control herself. 

“These are difficult memories, it’s bound to get emotional.” Dax gently rubbed her arm to sooth her. “I think you should try and reconnect with Timani. Give you both a chance to apologise, because surely she can’t still hold a grudge for what was said between you both.”

Kira nodded, taking the tissue Bashir offered. 

“Now what about complications during birth?”

Kira nodded. “Apparently I haemorrhaged and needed a blood transfusion. The midwife had to get a doctor to stop the bleeding. I didn’t realise beforehand that Cardassian babies can quite literally tear their Bajoran mother apart during birth, and I hadn’t told the midwife about him. They weren’t prepared for it, and I wasn’t able to prepare and relax in the way our bodies need to before birth. Timani said I was lucky to survive. I don’t remember much, I passed out pretty much after she was born.” Kira shivered at the thought of what had almost happened, Dax pulling Kira towards her and let her curl up in her arms.

Bashir gave them a minute together, seeing a very different side to the Kira he knew on duty, or the one who came in needing treatment for injuries sustained while on duty, and even when she was off duty having a drink at Quarks. There was a vulnerability and ease to her that Dax bought out. Dax gave her strength, and he admired the way she let Kira find her space. 

He returned with a glass of water for Kira, and she slowly sipped it.

“Well now I know about this, I can prepare for such emergencies. But just so you know, the chances of you dying in childbirth while under medical care on the station are negligible. A human child is going to be a different experience and shouldn’t have the same complications you had last time. But you can be constantly monitored for haemorrhaging, and I can synthesize as much replacement blood as you need, before you get to the point of passing out. Hopefully this can be a much better experience for you.”

Kira nodded, carefully squeezing his hand. “Thank you doctor. I really appreciate it.”

“I know you do.” He smiled at her, glad to see that she was beginning to let down the barriers between them. “Now is there anything else you think I should know about your first pregnancy? Jadzia, has she forgotten anything you know about?”

Dax shook her head. “Nothing Julian, but I do worry about what kind of memories this could bring up for Nerys. Do we still have a counsellor on the station?”

“Jadzia, it’s just the artificial hormones I’m being filled with that’s making me teary. I’ll be fine once my body starts to produce their own.” Kira tried to reassure her.

“Actually, I wouldn’t be too certain of that.” Bashir told her. “I was going to suggest a pre-emptive appointment, before you get to the point of a breakdown. Even without your history, carrying someone else’s baby is difficult. Miles and Keiko will be booked in at different times too.”

Kira sighed, “Okay I’ll talk to your counsellor.”

“That’s all I ask of you. But thank you for being honest with me. It’s probably the first time I’ve had a truly honest medical talk with you.”

“Well don’t get to use to it. It’s probably because of these hormones you’ve been giving me. But I suspect you probably slipped some kind of truth medication in there too.” Kira shifted uncomfortably on the biobed.

“The thought crossed my mind, but I think it’s more Jadzia's influence. I just wish I’d said I knew about you two earlier. I’m sorry about that.”

“You could have at least told me you knew Julian. I’m not at risk from these Bajoran moral laws.” Dax reminded him.

“I would have, but your girlfriend is still a bit scary when angry.” Bashir admitted, winking at Kira.

Kira felt heat rising in her cheeks, the first time she’d heard someone referring to her like that.

“I assume Nerys is staying here for a while?” Dax asked.

Bashir nodded. “Until her hormones stabilise and the muscle relaxants wear off. Even if she wasn’t being closely monitored, right now I doubt she’d be able to walk.” 

Dax nodded. “Do you want me stay with you?” she asked Kira.

“Aren’t you still on duty? I’m sure they need someone senior up in Ops with everything that happened today and the runabout needs checking over, including the logs...” A million thoughts suddenly ran through Kira’s head, realising that she was meant to be on duty had it not been for the runabout accident.

“Someone else can deal with it, even if just for an hour. Chief O’Brien has a team of engineers who can start analysing what went wrong, I won’t be needed for a while yet.”

“Stay as long as you need Jadzia.” Bashir told her. “I’ll put a privacy lock on the door so my nurses can’t just burst in. I need to go and check on Keiko and then I’ve got a rather awkward discussion to have with Miles.”

“Please tell him that the baby will be safe with me. I’ll look after him as though he were my own." Kira told him. 

“I think he’s still going to be in a bit of shock from this, but at least everyone is still alive.”

“They are.” She gingerly patted her rounded belly.

The door closed behind Bashir, Kira let out a loud sigh, feeling drained after the day.

“You look uncomfortable Nerys. Would you like me to rub your back?” Dax asked.

Kira shrugged. “I don’t know what I want.”

“Ok. I’ll help with that.” Dax realised she was overwhelmed and needed someone else to help with decisions. She lowered the biobed to lay flat, carefully rolling Kira into a comfortable position on her side and rubbing in circles on the small of her back.

“Mmm, that does feel good.” She held onto Dax’s free hand, kissing it lightly. “I don’t think I’ve had full feeling in my lower half since Bashir performed the transfer. All the medication he’s given me has messed with all my senses. It’s very disorienting.”

“I can only imagine. But you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m happy to just sit here with you, give you space to process it all.”

“I don’t even know how to start, it’s just so much so quickly.”

“Just sit and accept this little baby as the most important thing in your life right now. He depends on you Nerys.”

Kira nodded. “I just hope I can do the right thing this time around.”

=/\=


End file.
